Doin' it Online

“I’m new to this… and .. umm.. I don’t really know what to say.” -Firefly28

“I’m a normal kind of guy.”- KitsMan76
“I like stuff...”-LamePeeps23

Sound familiar? Well, if you’re one of the millions of people who have ventured into the jungle that is online dating it probably does. Waves of people have hit the web on sites like Match.com, Lavalife, and Date.com surfing their way through every like, love and lust. On these sites users are supposed to create a profile, post a photos and send messages to people they find appealing.
In the year 2006 couples with Internet connections are no longer a hushed happening.

So, I’ll admit it: I’ve dipped my toes into the Lavalife. Unlike some of my friends, I have yet to find my match, so mostly I just browse. But every time I go on the site, I’m not joking, EVERY TIME, I get at least three messages within 10 minutes telling me that I have the best profile/ photo combo on there.

I know what you’re thinking and no, I am not drop-dead gorgeous. I’m not bad, and I do have a decent online photo. So beyond that what’s my secret? It’s all about how you present your package, as it were. Now the dating part I have no control over because, like I said, I’m just on there to browse.

When I survey my competition this is what I find: nothing special. So many profiles are deficiently descriptive. Most start with one of three thoughts: “I hate the bar so I thought I’d give this a try”, “I hate talking about myself, but here goes” or “I am a girl who loves to laugh,” then paired with the most stoic photo of yourself. Clearly you need some help. Here are some pointers on how to create a power profile.

Find the pith. Most men, as we know, have short attention spans. Like a piece of art, most will only spend a few moments looking at your profile before clicking on to the next girl. So when you write your bio in one large block of text it’s too daunting to sort though. Help them out by breaking it up into paragraphs or bulleted points. You’ve got to hook them in with something original and fun. However, I don’t think a Mya Angelou quote is the best way to start.

Most people say they are attracted to a person with a sense of humor. So use it! This does not mean starting with a joke but writing your profile as if you were speaking to your friends or yourself in the mirror. It should be in your voice, your happiest, least jaded, and most dateable voice.

Talk about your life. What is it you do? You don’t have to be specific but cryptic people just aren’t as interesting as those with a reality. “I like stuff” isn’t going to get you a smile.
Write about your passions, you never know who else could be out there with the same pastimes or obsessions as you. Plus it can be a great conversation starter for when someone messages you. “Hey, I can do the Grouse Grind in 50 min, care to challenge me?"

If Illiteracy is doesn’t turn you on then please, for the Love of God spell-check, unless you’re looking for someone of an equivalent IQ.

With your photos be creative, be interesting, and be of decent quality so your face isn’t all grainy. It’s sad but true; most people do judge a person by a picture. Which is why I can’t stress this enough: NO CAT PHOTOS! About 5% of you have shots with your cats- think what that says! If I have to spell it out: crazy cat lady! Digital cameras are rampant these days so you should have no trouble finding someone to take a shot of you, without the cat, away from your messy bedroom.

This is not ‘The Apprentice’ but there is one thing to keep in mind. You are selling a product: yourself. Think of all the time and effort you spend getting ready for a date. Why should you put any less thought into your profile? Even if you don’t find The One online, at the very least with a good profile you’ll get some lovely compliments. Or you can just contact me and I’ll do it for you because really, I’m just there to browse.