Wednesday, June 6, 2007

What's Your Number?

I've had sex. I'll bet you have too. The question is with how many people? Recently I have been reassessing my number because of something a lesbian friend of mine insists: oral counts.

I've never included oral-only 'friends' in my grand total because, well, I didn't think it counted. However, in the lesbian sex-life oral is a major component of intercourse. So, if oral doesn't count does that mean lesbians don't have sex? You bet your dental dam they do.

My reluctance to include oral probably stems from a need to keep my number at a respectable size. Not that I've been a floozy but... I remember dating one guy who told me he'd been with over 60 women in his 25-year-old life. I chose not to join this club because of his number (60 women! Yeegawds), but maybe he was counting oral in amongst his notches.

Here are some arguments for and against including oral in your final tally:

Oral should count because:
-You can get STD's from oral sex (which is the main reason people want to know their partners sexual history/number)
-Sexual activity is sexual intercourse
-Sometimes the line blurs - as in there is genital contact.
-Lesbian sex counts
-Just like the regular kind, oral sex involves positions

Oral shouldn't count because:
-Everyone's numbers would probably be a lot higher
-You don't technically loose your virginity if you have oral sex (at least that's what the kids are saying)
-It doesn't lead to procreation (and that's why we all have sex, right?)
-It didn't count for Clinton (or did it?)

Please add your thoughts and other arguments below and let's see if we can come to a consensus.

This is a blog written for Beyond Robson to see the responce go to

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Vancouver Gives me Styes... Sometimes

"I used to be the apple of your eye/ But now it seams I'm just a stye."

This is one of my favorite lines of Teen Angst Poetry. My friend Michelle wrote it when she was 14 years old about 'relationship' she was in for 1.5 weeks. I now understand why I love this line so much because sometimes, Vancouver, that's how you make me feel. Like a stye... in your eye.

I've been running Teen Angst: A Retro Comedy Night since 2001 in this fair city. This is a show where everyday people share their most embarrassing teenaged writings (poetry, journals, letters, songs, essays etc). Why? Because it's funny. And what else are you going to do with them? Really. Tonight is the last Teen Angst night until the Fall so, Vancouver, will you give my eye a sty again? Or will you attend, because honestly this idea exploding- like pimples on a 16 year old boy's face- cities across North America are copying this idea.

Seattle has the Salon of Shame, which began this past November. There's Cringe in Brooklyn which began in April 2005. Get Mortified, is, like, a teen angst franchise with shows in LA, San Francisco, NYC, Boston etc. Many small towns across North America are sparking up their own teen angst reading nights, just like stoners spark up every day at 4:20.

So, who did it first? I'll argue me- I've got the book. But that doesn't really matter, what matters is that everyone should experience the magic that is Teen Angst. So, join me tonight because I have some truly godawful poetry that will clean a stye out of your eye with tears of laughter.

Teen Angst: A Retro Comedy Night happens tonight May 31 at The Annex, 307 W Cordova Street (at Cambie). Sign up 7:30 ish Show 8 ish.
or Click here for info on the history and related shows of Teen Angst.

Bike to Work Week

As Bike to Work Week comes to a close, I have to admit that I did not ride my bike. Not even once. Sure, I looked at it, I thought about it, I wished I could ride my bike but, for me, it would have been a stupid idea.

Last Tuesday I was riding my bike to work down Yukon street by Broadway when my cell phone rang. I know, I know- but I didn't answer it. I looked to see who it was, as I was expecting an important call. Ignoring the unimportant caller I went to put the cell back in my pocket but the breeze that was flapping my jacket around prevented that from happening. The light ahead was changed to yellow so I broke with my cell phone in hand.

Having recently serviced my bike, my breaks were pretty tight. The hand my cell phone was in was the back breaks so I broke hard with the front. As I did this I thought about how I had recently commented in ION magazine's horoscopes about hipsters not wearing helmets getting hit by a car. I began to flip over my handle bars then everything went black.

A few seconds later my face was on the pavement and I was bleeding. Many thoughts raced through my unprotected brain: "crap-I'm late for work," "my face,-I'll never work again as an actor!" and "thank goodness no car hit me." I stumbled up, sore and bleeding. My knees got scraped, even though I was wearing pants, my elbow was scratched and bruised through a jean jacket and a hoodie, the back of my left hand must have skid along the ground because it was a mess. Luckily I only slightly cut my lip and I did not hit my head: my head that did not have a helmet on because I didn't want to wreck my hair.

People swarmed me to see if I was alright luckily no one saw what actually happened. I was stunned. I stumbled around and cried in shock. I called a friend who drove me to the Doctor who cleaned me up and gave me Tylenol with Codeine because "you're going to be sore tomorrow."

I'm not a very religious person but that day I was blessed. Blessed that I didn't hit my head. Blessed that there wasn't a car behind me. I received a wake-up call. I've been riding my bike around this city pretty consistently for the past year and I've become pretty cocky; thinking I can do things like talk on my cell phone and not wear a helmet. Let this be a lesson to you all. Wear a helmet. Don't even check your cell phone on your bike. And don't take your safety for granted. An accident can happen so quickly.

Instead of biking to work I've been healing. With massive handle bar sized bruises on my legs and scabs aplenty, I'm taking time to walk noticing the scenery and the many cars that run red lights. A lesson is learned, I will be much safer in the future. I just wish they made a helmet that didn't make my head sweat and wreck my hair.

photo credit Freddy Peters